So far, 2010 is off to a great start :) I just feel like I'm at a great point in my life, where I have the life, liberty and love to do what I please. It's a feeling that's kind of unstoppable. I know that, at one point, it will all come down on me & I will feel hardships, but it's moments like these where I know that I have hope for something better!
I've been thinking about the things that I'm passionate about. I've always thought that I've never had something for myself & that I just follow everyone, having nothing to call my own. But I really do. It's taken time to realize it, but I have TONS to live for & be passionate about.
Lately, it's been about the people I'm surrounded by. I spent two glorious weeks surrounded by family. Did I regress to my usual toxic demeanor? NO. Did I seek for human contact outside of them? Barely. Obviously, I'm not perfect... but just having the idea that I will be with them forever allows me a new perspective & helps me appreciate them even more. I loved laying around & just being able to have them next to me & know that they love me. I hope they know that I love them. They're my biggest joy.
The other people that surround me are my friends. If there's one thing about me that I know that I'm good at, it's being a friend. & if by some reason, I haven't been a good friend, I hope that I'm forgiven for my shortcomings. I love being there for people, helping them feel better & listening to them, because I know that they would do the same for me. I love being surrounded by great people & I only surround myself with those that will lift me up.
Another thing that just has me high on life is school. Weird, huh? I've finally started my communication classes! Already done with the first week & I'm overwhelmed with so much work but I'm actually getting it done! In my advertising research methods class, Dr. Callister was just rattling off about SPSS & there I am freaking out about levels of measure & variables... Needless to say, I only got half of what he was saying. But I'll get through it :) just because I LOVE IT! Seriously. I've never been so excited about my education. Then again, I'm also doing a Spanish minor & my love for my native language only increases. Nada como expresarse con la fluidez de unas pocas palabras. La escritura en español es algo que es irremplazable, no hay otra igual.
Needless to say, I love life right now. I'm very excited about my possibilities.
I have many more passions in life. But they're all pretty silly... I'll have to discuss them at a later time, since I have my life to go back to.
AND I'M OBSESSED WITH THIS SONG: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AIoaiTwLk6I
It makes me want to dance. Like forrealz.
Saturday, January 9, 2010
Monday, December 21, 2009
So this is the New Year.
Bye bye, 2009. You're 10 days (actually 9 days, but 10 sounds better) from being gone. Here's a nice long post to you:
Here ends 2009. An amazing year, if I do say so myself. A year where I made life-long friends, temporary enemies & (hopefully) eternal memories.
A year where I discovered many of my strengths as well as my weaknesses.
A year where my life came together, and it seemed to fall apart as well, but it only built me up.
A year where I turned the double decade. It had to be a good year if it marked my very existence to the big two oh.
A year where I learned that I could finally harness my mindless obsessions into a filed of study that is worthwhile. Yes, my social media obsession can be useful for a career - advertising. Thankyouverymuch. There's one less nervous breakdown. I'm very happy with it. I don't feel useless anymore. I've found great joy in announcing that I indeed have a major. I also find great joy that I don't fit into any mold that was set up for me. Thanks to my supportive parents, I've chosen a place to go, and they will always be there for me when I decide to change my mind.
Once again, I'm going to start the year as I started the last: single. But I'm in no way regretting it. I had my share of romance, hope and heartbreak. I've filled my quota. They were all very fine young men and all very good lessons for my very fine young self. The good thing is that I have yet to lose hope. And when I feel like I'm about to, I can always just lay in my bed, watch Arrested Development and fall hopelessly in love with Jason Bateman... Weird, I know. But oddly comforting.
I speak of love sometimes as something fickle and cynical. But I believe in the purest kind of love & I will continue to seek after it. I am still very young, and very willing to fall & get back up again if I have to. So for all you boys out there, thank you. You've done me a favor.
Here's to a year of travels. I still can't believe all the things life has taught me. Life isn't to be lived in just one place. I am a nomad in my mind, & I'm not planning on settling down just anywhere.
Traveling to Jerusalem was life-changing. It's a beautiful place with so much life & history. I'm pretty sure I learned more about myself than I have in any other place. I also learned that I could totally pass off as a Jewish woman with my black bushy hair & my big schnoz. It's pretty liberating to know I'm not just confined to one culture.
Egypt was pretty cool too.
Guatemala: the land of my teenage heart. That week was just eye-opening. A week of humility and a lot of self-sacrificing. Nothing can stand in my way, thanks to that week. It's engrained in my skin.
Out of all my experiences in 2009, nothing was as fulfilling as working with the youth at EFY. Yes, I'm one of those cheesy counselors. BUT I LOVE IT! After years of thinking that I was this useless blob that didn't have a purpose, I finally found one during the summer. A love & light came into my life. I was like a child again, so eager to learn. I constantly wish I could go back to that, but then I realize that I always can. There's a strong testimony that I will keep yearning for. Philippians 4:12.
Along with that light comes a sure knowledge that I am loved. I am loved by a Heavenly Father who never ceases to bless me. & His Son that never ceases to forgive my shortcomings. I am loved by a family that is as flawed as I am. We love each other for them.
I'm definitely not perfect nor will I ever be in this lifetime, which is why 2010 "could be the start of something new." I've never reflected this much before the end of a year & the beginning of a new one. Sooo, this is a great start!
I'm writing down resolutions. I know, I can't believe it either. So here they are, typed & up into the airwaves so then maybe I will actually get around to doing them.
1. Keep a positive outlook & an attitude of gratitude.
2. Eat more fruits & veggies - not just buying them & letting them rot in my fridge.
3. Floss daily. Because you can never floss too much.
4. Reinvent myself at least once a month. A new side part? Wearing my heels somewhere else besides church?
5. Develop more talents.
6. Call my family more.
7. Write down. Anything & everything.
8. Workout therapy instead of retail therapy.
9. Read the news. Look smart.
10. Break out of my comfort zone & meet new people.
11. Fall in love.
12. Get up whenever I get down. Keep a service-oriented outlook.
13. Employ my time wisely. Stop the multi-tasking!
Last but certainly not least...
come what may & love it.
Here's to 2010. I'm going to make it a good one.
Here ends 2009. An amazing year, if I do say so myself. A year where I made life-long friends, temporary enemies & (hopefully) eternal memories.
A year where I discovered many of my strengths as well as my weaknesses.
A year where my life came together, and it seemed to fall apart as well, but it only built me up.
A year where I turned the double decade. It had to be a good year if it marked my very existence to the big two oh.
A year where I learned that I could finally harness my mindless obsessions into a filed of study that is worthwhile. Yes, my social media obsession can be useful for a career - advertising. Thankyouverymuch. There's one less nervous breakdown. I'm very happy with it. I don't feel useless anymore. I've found great joy in announcing that I indeed have a major. I also find great joy that I don't fit into any mold that was set up for me. Thanks to my supportive parents, I've chosen a place to go, and they will always be there for me when I decide to change my mind.
Once again, I'm going to start the year as I started the last: single. But I'm in no way regretting it. I had my share of romance, hope and heartbreak. I've filled my quota. They were all very fine young men and all very good lessons for my very fine young self. The good thing is that I have yet to lose hope. And when I feel like I'm about to, I can always just lay in my bed, watch Arrested Development and fall hopelessly in love with Jason Bateman... Weird, I know. But oddly comforting.
I speak of love sometimes as something fickle and cynical. But I believe in the purest kind of love & I will continue to seek after it. I am still very young, and very willing to fall & get back up again if I have to. So for all you boys out there, thank you. You've done me a favor.
Here's to a year of travels. I still can't believe all the things life has taught me. Life isn't to be lived in just one place. I am a nomad in my mind, & I'm not planning on settling down just anywhere.
Traveling to Jerusalem was life-changing. It's a beautiful place with so much life & history. I'm pretty sure I learned more about myself than I have in any other place. I also learned that I could totally pass off as a Jewish woman with my black bushy hair & my big schnoz. It's pretty liberating to know I'm not just confined to one culture.
Egypt was pretty cool too.
Guatemala: the land of my teenage heart. That week was just eye-opening. A week of humility and a lot of self-sacrificing. Nothing can stand in my way, thanks to that week. It's engrained in my skin.
Out of all my experiences in 2009, nothing was as fulfilling as working with the youth at EFY. Yes, I'm one of those cheesy counselors. BUT I LOVE IT! After years of thinking that I was this useless blob that didn't have a purpose, I finally found one during the summer. A love & light came into my life. I was like a child again, so eager to learn. I constantly wish I could go back to that, but then I realize that I always can. There's a strong testimony that I will keep yearning for. Philippians 4:12.
Along with that light comes a sure knowledge that I am loved. I am loved by a Heavenly Father who never ceases to bless me. & His Son that never ceases to forgive my shortcomings. I am loved by a family that is as flawed as I am. We love each other for them.
I'm definitely not perfect nor will I ever be in this lifetime, which is why 2010 "could be the start of something new." I've never reflected this much before the end of a year & the beginning of a new one. Sooo, this is a great start!
I'm writing down resolutions. I know, I can't believe it either. So here they are, typed & up into the airwaves so then maybe I will actually get around to doing them.
1. Keep a positive outlook & an attitude of gratitude.
2. Eat more fruits & veggies - not just buying them & letting them rot in my fridge.
3. Floss daily. Because you can never floss too much.
4. Reinvent myself at least once a month. A new side part? Wearing my heels somewhere else besides church?
5. Develop more talents.
6. Call my family more.
7. Write down. Anything & everything.
8. Workout therapy instead of retail therapy.
9. Read the news. Look smart.
10. Break out of my comfort zone & meet new people.
11. Fall in love.
12. Get up whenever I get down. Keep a service-oriented outlook.
13. Employ my time wisely. Stop the multi-tasking!
Last but certainly not least...
come what may & love it.
Here's to 2010. I'm going to make it a good one.
Sunday, December 6, 2009
so it's that time of the year... where i don't want to do things anymore. where i just want to give up & run away from my problems. i always run away from my problems. looking them in the eye is too painful. but for the first time, some problems have arised & i haven't ran away.
my current problem: my health care paper for english 312...
i don't want to do it. i don't know enough to do it. i don't care enough to do it.
& yet, it must be done.
life is like that sometimes... problems come & i just don't want to deal with them. a problem can always be seen as a new opportunities. opportunities come & i do want to take them. but this opportunity... it's too risky to take. i owe it to myself to hold back & to stay in the state that i am currently in. things get overcomplicated & even though that's how life is, i like the way i am now. i'm in pain, but pain is weakness leaving the body & i will rise from the ashes :) i'm looking this problem in the eye & i'm not afraid.
i love how i just rant from thing to thing. & i never really make any sense whatsoever. but that's just how i am.
my current problem: my health care paper for english 312...
i don't want to do it. i don't know enough to do it. i don't care enough to do it.
& yet, it must be done.
life is like that sometimes... problems come & i just don't want to deal with them. a problem can always be seen as a new opportunities. opportunities come & i do want to take them. but this opportunity... it's too risky to take. i owe it to myself to hold back & to stay in the state that i am currently in. things get overcomplicated & even though that's how life is, i like the way i am now. i'm in pain, but pain is weakness leaving the body & i will rise from the ashes :) i'm looking this problem in the eye & i'm not afraid.
i love how i just rant from thing to thing. & i never really make any sense whatsoever. but that's just how i am.
Friday, November 27, 2009
it's like forgetting the words to your favorite song.
this week has been a blur. between friends, phone calls from family, being sick, watching movies, and not to mention, thanksgiving, i've just been thinking a lot about who i am, what defines me, and who i've become.
somehow, it all comes back to where i'm from & where i've been. essentially, my culture.
lately, i've just felt so lost when it comes to my culture. especially being here in utah... not that i'm ungrateful to this great American country. i owe my life, my liberty and my religion to it. but it's not who i am. it's not where i'm from.
"my name is sara... i'm from puerto rico. i like different people & i love who i am"
those infamous words written by the great david jon banks to get me into my advertising program ring constantly in my head. a catchy tune that i'm sure was stuck in the communications department's head as it has been stuck in my family's and my head. it's hard to remember where i'm from when i'm surrounded by people who are just so different. i don't like having to adapt to them. i love my culture & where i'm from.
i love my culture, but then i find myself saying that i'm the worst representation of a puertorrican. most would say that this is true. but it really doesn't make me any less of a puertorrican than the next. i'm loud. so loud... i have the most explosive laugh of anyone i know. i love to dance. i'll dance anywhere, anytime. my hips, they don't lie. i speak so fast, you'll never understand me. among other things. just because i choose not to follow every norm, i never lose who i am. i love my patria.
i love puerto rico. i miss it so much. i wish i could just sit down at a table & eat puertorrican food all day. i can feel my arteries clogging up already! i want my hair so frizzy that i can't stand it. i want it to be so hot that right after i get out of the shower, i'm already sweating. i want to hear vowels dropped, words made up & mispronunciation. i want to hear talks of politics. i may want the dirty jokes. i want the music. i want the coquis. i want it all.
just take me home :)
somehow, it all comes back to where i'm from & where i've been. essentially, my culture.
lately, i've just felt so lost when it comes to my culture. especially being here in utah... not that i'm ungrateful to this great American country. i owe my life, my liberty and my religion to it. but it's not who i am. it's not where i'm from.
"my name is sara... i'm from puerto rico. i like different people & i love who i am"
those infamous words written by the great david jon banks to get me into my advertising program ring constantly in my head. a catchy tune that i'm sure was stuck in the communications department's head as it has been stuck in my family's and my head. it's hard to remember where i'm from when i'm surrounded by people who are just so different. i don't like having to adapt to them. i love my culture & where i'm from.
i love my culture, but then i find myself saying that i'm the worst representation of a puertorrican. most would say that this is true. but it really doesn't make me any less of a puertorrican than the next. i'm loud. so loud... i have the most explosive laugh of anyone i know. i love to dance. i'll dance anywhere, anytime. my hips, they don't lie. i speak so fast, you'll never understand me. among other things. just because i choose not to follow every norm, i never lose who i am. i love my patria.
i love puerto rico. i miss it so much. i wish i could just sit down at a table & eat puertorrican food all day. i can feel my arteries clogging up already! i want my hair so frizzy that i can't stand it. i want it to be so hot that right after i get out of the shower, i'm already sweating. i want to hear vowels dropped, words made up & mispronunciation. i want to hear talks of politics. i may want the dirty jokes. i want the music. i want the coquis. i want it all.
just take me home :)
Tuesday, November 24, 2009
Monday, November 23, 2009
so tired of being sick.
i'm sick! of course. it's my favorite weekend activity. i should really stop being sarcastic. i'm just DYING for some real food!
on saturday, in the wee hours of the morn... 4am to be exact, i was awaken by a sudden gag reflex. that resumes the rest of my saturday until 11am when i was finally seen by a doctor. i have a stomach infection :( ergo, i cannot eat! i have been mixing drinks, feeling like an awesome bartender. my famous drink consists of pedialyte + powerade + sprite. delish.
i've just been chilling at home ever since. dallin comes over to watch smallville all the time with me. lindsay & cindy come & watch anne of green gables with me. i love my friends & how they take such good care of me.
i still don't really have a place for thanksgiving, but i am still very much grateful for the things that i have :)
oh & i just ate a wendy's grilled chicken wrap. hopefully, there will not be any fireworks. more later.
on saturday, in the wee hours of the morn... 4am to be exact, i was awaken by a sudden gag reflex. that resumes the rest of my saturday until 11am when i was finally seen by a doctor. i have a stomach infection :( ergo, i cannot eat! i have been mixing drinks, feeling like an awesome bartender. my famous drink consists of pedialyte + powerade + sprite. delish.
i've just been chilling at home ever since. dallin comes over to watch smallville all the time with me. lindsay & cindy come & watch anne of green gables with me. i love my friends & how they take such good care of me.
i still don't really have a place for thanksgiving, but i am still very much grateful for the things that i have :)
oh & i just ate a wendy's grilled chicken wrap. hopefully, there will not be any fireworks. more later.
Sunday, November 22, 2009
no pages.
so, this is my blog. i've had a blog before. i still have it probably. i hated the url name so i decided to make a new one. this is it.
i've never been good at blogging, writing or just anything about myself. i do need a constructive outlet though.
you see, i have this horrible problem: i keep things inside. i don't tend to tell people how i truly feel. i hide things, many things. it ends up hurting people. it ends up them not trusting me or me not trusting them. it takes forever to open up & once i do, they have my trust. so they had better take good care of it.
it's a huge cause of my problems. it's probably pride. although i'm sure it has a lot to do with that... it's also fear. fear of what's to come. fear of what's going to happen once people get a glimpse of who i really am.
i'm so grateful for those who do take the time to know who i really am. those who take the time to figure out what's wrong. those who aren't ok with just knowing that i'm "fine." those who insist on knowing my feelings. those who open up to me & let me open up to them. there haven't been many who do that.
the saddest thing is that lately, those who i've been giving my heart to haven't been any of those before mentioned.
but i'm taking on a new initiative. why should i be in such a rush? when i have my whole life ahead of me. i'm in deeper appreciation of those who i have around me. i love my Heavenly Father too much to let myself get in the way of my dreams. it's time to take things into my own hands.
my friends & my family keep me together. they're the ones who have my heart & my trust. i'm the type of person that when i hold you dear to my heart, i will most likely do anything for you. so, don't blow it. i will be there.
so, if you're reading this... i'll take it as you wanting to be a part of my life. it's you wanting to know what's really going on. & hopefully, i'll indulge in blogging every once in a while... just don't hold it against me if i don't.
i've never been good at blogging, writing or just anything about myself. i do need a constructive outlet though.
you see, i have this horrible problem: i keep things inside. i don't tend to tell people how i truly feel. i hide things, many things. it ends up hurting people. it ends up them not trusting me or me not trusting them. it takes forever to open up & once i do, they have my trust. so they had better take good care of it.
it's a huge cause of my problems. it's probably pride. although i'm sure it has a lot to do with that... it's also fear. fear of what's to come. fear of what's going to happen once people get a glimpse of who i really am.
i'm so grateful for those who do take the time to know who i really am. those who take the time to figure out what's wrong. those who aren't ok with just knowing that i'm "fine." those who insist on knowing my feelings. those who open up to me & let me open up to them. there haven't been many who do that.
the saddest thing is that lately, those who i've been giving my heart to haven't been any of those before mentioned.
but i'm taking on a new initiative. why should i be in such a rush? when i have my whole life ahead of me. i'm in deeper appreciation of those who i have around me. i love my Heavenly Father too much to let myself get in the way of my dreams. it's time to take things into my own hands.
my friends & my family keep me together. they're the ones who have my heart & my trust. i'm the type of person that when i hold you dear to my heart, i will most likely do anything for you. so, don't blow it. i will be there.
so, if you're reading this... i'll take it as you wanting to be a part of my life. it's you wanting to know what's really going on. & hopefully, i'll indulge in blogging every once in a while... just don't hold it against me if i don't.
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