it's like forgetting the words to your favorite song.

this week has been a blur. between friends, phone calls from family, being sick, watching movies, and not to mention, thanksgiving, i've just been thinking a lot about who i am, what defines me, and who i've become.

somehow, it all comes back to where i'm from & where i've been. essentially, my culture.

lately, i've just felt so lost when it comes to my culture. especially being here in utah... not that i'm ungrateful to this great American country. i owe my life, my liberty and my religion to it. but it's not who i am. it's not where i'm from.

"my name is sara... i'm from puerto rico. i like different people & i love who i am"

those infamous words written by the great david jon banks to get me into my advertising program ring constantly in my head. a catchy tune that i'm sure was stuck in the communications department's head as it has been stuck in my family's and my head. it's hard to remember where i'm from when i'm surrounded by people who are just so different. i don't like having to adapt to them. i love my culture & where i'm from.

i love my culture, but then i find myself saying that i'm the worst representation of a puertorrican. most would say that this is true. but it really doesn't make me any less of a puertorrican than the next. i'm loud. so loud... i have the most explosive laugh of anyone i know. i love to dance. i'll dance anywhere, anytime. my hips, they don't lie. i speak so fast, you'll never understand me. among other things. just because i choose not to follow every norm, i never lose who i am. i love my patria.

i love puerto rico. i miss it so much. i wish i could just sit down at a table & eat puertorrican food all day. i can feel my arteries clogging up already! i want my hair so frizzy that i can't stand it. i want it to be so hot that right after i get out of the shower, i'm already sweating. i want to hear vowels dropped, words made up & mispronunciation. i want to hear talks of politics. i may want the dirty jokes. i want the music. i want the coquis. i want it all.

just take me home :)

is it just me... or is Semisonic's "Feeling Strangely Fine" one of the best albums ever?

i hope i'm not the only one out there in this world that feels this way. besides the rest of my family.

so tired of being sick.

i'm sick! of course. it's my favorite weekend activity. i should really stop being sarcastic. i'm just DYING for some real food!
on saturday, in the wee hours of the morn... 4am to be exact, i was awaken by a sudden gag reflex. that resumes the rest of my saturday until 11am when i was finally seen by a doctor. i have a stomach infection :( ergo, i cannot eat! i have been mixing drinks, feeling like an awesome bartender. my famous drink consists of pedialyte + powerade + sprite. delish.
i've just been chilling at home ever since. dallin comes over to watch smallville all the time with me. lindsay & cindy come & watch anne of green gables with me. i love my friends & how they take such good care of me.
i still don't really have a place for thanksgiving, but i am still very much grateful for the things that i have :)
oh & i just ate a wendy's grilled chicken wrap. hopefully, there will not be any fireworks. more later.

no pages.

so, this is my blog. i've had a blog before. i still have it probably. i hated the url name so i decided to make a new one. this is it.
i've never been good at blogging, writing or just anything about myself. i do need a constructive outlet though.
you see, i have this horrible problem: i keep things inside. i don't tend to tell people how i truly feel. i hide things, many things. it ends up hurting people. it ends up them not trusting me or me not trusting them. it takes forever to open up & once i do, they have my trust. so they had better take good care of it.
it's a huge cause of my problems. it's probably pride. although i'm sure it has a lot to do with that... it's also fear. fear of what's to come. fear of what's going to happen once people get a glimpse of who i really am.
i'm so grateful for those who do take the time to know who i really am. those who take the time to figure out what's wrong. those who aren't ok with just knowing that i'm "fine." those who insist on knowing my feelings. those who open up to me & let me open up to them. there haven't been many who do that.
the saddest thing is that lately, those who i've been giving my heart to haven't been any of those before mentioned.
but i'm taking on a new initiative. why should i be in such a rush? when i have my whole life ahead of me. i'm in deeper appreciation of those who i have around me. i love my Heavenly Father too much to let myself get in the way of my dreams. it's time to take things into my own hands.
my friends & my family keep me together. they're the ones who have my heart & my trust. i'm the type of person that when i hold you dear to my heart, i will most likely do anything for you. so, don't blow it. i will be there.
so, if you're reading this... i'll take it as you wanting to be a part of my life. it's you wanting to know what's really going on. & hopefully, i'll indulge in blogging every once in a while... just don't hold it against me if i don't.