no pages.

so, this is my blog. i've had a blog before. i still have it probably. i hated the url name so i decided to make a new one. this is it.
i've never been good at blogging, writing or just anything about myself. i do need a constructive outlet though.
you see, i have this horrible problem: i keep things inside. i don't tend to tell people how i truly feel. i hide things, many things. it ends up hurting people. it ends up them not trusting me or me not trusting them. it takes forever to open up & once i do, they have my trust. so they had better take good care of it.
it's a huge cause of my problems. it's probably pride. although i'm sure it has a lot to do with that... it's also fear. fear of what's to come. fear of what's going to happen once people get a glimpse of who i really am.
i'm so grateful for those who do take the time to know who i really am. those who take the time to figure out what's wrong. those who aren't ok with just knowing that i'm "fine." those who insist on knowing my feelings. those who open up to me & let me open up to them. there haven't been many who do that.
the saddest thing is that lately, those who i've been giving my heart to haven't been any of those before mentioned.
but i'm taking on a new initiative. why should i be in such a rush? when i have my whole life ahead of me. i'm in deeper appreciation of those who i have around me. i love my Heavenly Father too much to let myself get in the way of my dreams. it's time to take things into my own hands.
my friends & my family keep me together. they're the ones who have my heart & my trust. i'm the type of person that when i hold you dear to my heart, i will most likely do anything for you. so, don't blow it. i will be there.
so, if you're reading this... i'll take it as you wanting to be a part of my life. it's you wanting to know what's really going on. & hopefully, i'll indulge in blogging every once in a while... just don't hold it against me if i don't.